Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A Dreary Day... More Than Weather

I was talking with someone yesterday and it sort of stirred something in me that normally isn't there. In fact, I've never felt this. It bothered me greatly.

After deep thought, I heard something in my gut whisper "discontentment".

I shuddered. 

I've never felt this way. Being content is something I thank God for because I believe it's something He has blessed me with as a person. It's a quality that is naturally woven into my personality. Being content constantly means I'm just always fine with whatever. Always fine with where God has placed me. Always fine in almost every situation. 
And not just 'always fine', but genuinely fine.
Being content means I try my hardest to fulfill the old saying "Bloom where you are planted."

But for the first, honest-to-goodness time I felt.... lower? Less valuable? Insignificant? Incapable?
I felt like I was nothing... Especially in the shadow of the person I was talking to. He had done so much in his still young life and it stunned me how different we truly were.

I was mentally comparing myself to the places he's gone and the seemingly boring travels I've made. Mentally comparing myself to the adventures he's had and what I thought was pretty significant in my life. Mentally comparing myself to his out-of-high school education and my cooking classes.
Mentally comparing myself to his usual schedule and the things he does and what I do. I know I am extremely busy, but when trying to tell a curious person about my daily life, I'm struck with it's apparent dullness.

This wasn't normal for me. It was definitely a new experience and I combated it with God's word and the promises I know it holds.
I heard God saying "I have something greater for you. You know Me and the higher purpose I have called you to compared to those around you. Hold onto Me."

This situation opened me eyes to how quickly the enemy can slip into an area I thought was secure and meddle. The enemy is there looking for every opportunity.

Thank the Lord we have Someone to go to with our cares and troubles who is bigger than everything we can imagine!


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