Sunday, February 8, 2009

Closeness or Distance?

I've always known that I have the habit of attaching myself to people very quickly, but recently over the last 2 months that fact has really been smacking me in the face.
I'm not really sure if that's a good thing or not. Seeing that usually I dont get the chance or am able to fully communicate to the people that I DO in fact care for them in a big way.
It's been brought to my attention a lot recently, like I said, thru work. I love my job. Seriously, it's not JUST the stuff I do when I'm there and interacting with people, but I LOVE the people I work with. Like I've mentioned here before, the co-workers make or break the job for me. Well again, over the last 2 months, 3 different ladies that I worked with have all left for personal reasons. I miss them so very much. :(
Not that I mind that they didn't end up saying goodbye or giving me one last hug, but it just seems like I cared for them more than they knew.
This whole dilemma of my attachments to people I've known about for sometime. It really only becomes apparent to me when someone leaves... someone I love leaves my picture of life and doesn't come back. That happens occasionally with friends and I just dont know why. Well I do. It's like the classic saying that's ever true "you dont know what you have until it's gone." I have a gaping hole that's left in me for a very long while. But I know I have to give it to God and just trust that my friendship with them was for a time and served some good purpose... even though at the moment it seems like it was only meant for hurt to follow. Usually years later, I'm able to reflect and laugh and cry and see just how much they touched me and how me knowing them somehow changed my life in a special way forever... and who knows, I just may have helped them too.
*sigh* I've tried to not adhere to people but it just isn't working. I do anyways. Why? I'm not totally sure. I have accepted the fact that it's just apart of me being who I am. The compassion I posses and the general love I freely give. If I shunned everyone or didn't allow myself to become too close, then how would I be blessed in someway? How would they? I would travel thru life cold, bitter and unhappy.
So I guess this rambling is me telling you that I care for you more deeply than you know. Than you'll probably ever know. And if for some reason life's path severs our friendship, I'm mourning the loss of your hugs, your smile and your specialness in a way that cant be explained.


Denise said...

Hannah you are so special. I pray that life's path will never sever our friendship. I don't think I've ever told you that if I'd had a daughter I'd want her to be just like you...full of love to God, family and herself. God has blessed you in so many ways and I know you know that! As I'm writing this I'm remembering the time you and I went to see Smuckers on Ice. Someone mentioned ice skating the other day and I spoke up "Hannah and I went to the Smuckers on Ice show a few years ago"...good memories..and the theme parks when all of you except Kalen could go on the roller coasters (I think she's tall enough now). Hannah, I look forward to spending more of those times with you. Love you Hannah...We gotta get up to York someday to have lunch in the cafe...see ya soon!

about elisabeth said...

I think you should view your attachment as almost a gift. . .

Because so many girls that I have talked to at the high school say they don't trust or attach themselves to anyone before because they always get hurt, and then nobody attaches themselves to anyone and they all remain distant regarding the deeply hidden areas of their lives.

When they see that someone who actually cares, attaches, and trusts, it is deeply attractive to them and they will open up to you on a deeper level of communication. It is quite amazing!

And I must say, even though I only saw you about a week, one of the special things about you is the way you formed bonds with everyone there. I really appreciate your friendliness and really think that God can use this in you to affect others, even if you only see them for a short time!
I miss you!
-Elisabeth sepulveda

The Sojourning Bracketts said...

Hey Hannah, I can understand and relate to how you feel. I have been there. It is a tough place to be in. I understand the feeling of not wanting to be hurt but also not wanting to miss out on the possibility of a good relationship. I guess the best thing to do is to pray about each relationship and ask God to lead to towards them or away from them. Also, without risks to get to know people we would not know the people we know today. I have really learned over the last 10years that friendship is a two-way road. If one person is putting in all the effort to have a friendship then the relationship is not fruitful & probably a waste of your (or my) time. That is one way I have learned to evaluate a potential friendship. I hope this helps to encourage you. Know I am always here & want to keep out friendship alive. You are such a sweet gal & I love you dearly & as a fellow sister. Much love,Cassy

Kate said...

Hannah girl!! I love you so much, you can't even know :) I am going to miss you terribly--not that I've been able to see you a lot, but just knowing that you were just an hours drive away was a nice thought. But I fully expect visits while I'm in Texas. You are welcome any time.

You are precious, and I agree that you should look at your attachment as a gift. So many people (women especially) are unable to attach for fear of being hurt! So, protect yourself, but see it as a God given gift. I love you girl :)


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