I've always known that I have the habit of attaching myself to people very quickly, but recently over the last 2 months that fact has really been smacking me in the face.
I'm not really sure if that's a good thing or not. Seeing that usually I dont get the chance or am able to fully communicate to the people that I DO in fact care for them in a big way.
It's been brought to my attention a lot recently, like I said, thru work. I love my job. Seriously, it's not JUST the stuff I do when I'm there and interacting with people, but I LOVE the people I work with. Like I've mentioned here before, the co-workers make or break the job for me. Well again, over the last 2 months, 3 different ladies that I worked with have all left for personal reasons. I miss them so very much. :(
Not that I mind that they didn't end up saying goodbye or giving me one last hug, but it just seems like I cared for them more than they knew.
This whole dilemma of my attachments to people I've known about for sometime. It really only becomes apparent to me when someone leaves... someone I love leaves my picture of life and doesn't come back. That happens occasionally with friends and I just dont know why. Well I do. It's like the classic saying that's ever true "you dont know what you have until it's gone." I have a gaping hole that's left in me for a very long while. But I know I have to give it to God and just trust that my friendship with them was for a time and served some good purpose... even though at the moment it seems like it was only meant for hurt to follow. Usually years later, I'm able to reflect and laugh and cry and see just how much they touched me and how me knowing them somehow changed my life in a special way forever... and who knows, I just may have helped them too.
*sigh* I've tried to not adhere to people but it just isn't working. I do anyways. Why? I'm not totally sure. I have accepted the fact that it's just apart of me being who I am. The compassion I posses and the general love I freely give. If I shunned everyone or didn't allow myself to become too close, then how would I be blessed in someway? How would they? I would travel thru life cold, bitter and unhappy.
So I guess this rambling is me telling you that I care for you more deeply than you know. Than you'll probably ever know. And if for some reason life's path severs our friendship, I'm mourning the loss of your hugs, your smile and your specialness in a way that cant be explained.